22 Tips To Help You Become a Calmer Person | by Emma Randy | Sep, 2022


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Do your friends or relatives tell you that you are “loud”, “annoying” or “a chatterbox”? Do you talk so much that you don’t listen to other people’s ideas and emotions? If so, and if this is causing you problems in your life, you could try becoming a calmer person. By being calmer, you will be able to greatly improve your relationships with others when you start to care about how they feel. Your friends and family members will feel that you care and they will no longer look at you and think, “When will he shut up? Start by choosing the situations where you need to be calmer and then let it become a natural part of your personality. However, like any change in your personality, it will happen gradually. If you suddenly go from being a loud, boisterous person to a quiet, introverted one, your loved ones will wonder if you are okay. Tell them you are trying to make an effort to become a calmer person and show them your positive changes so they can appreciate them.

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1. Pay attention to how you behave.

Calm people tend to be less impulsive and consider decisions in many different ways before acting. They act with deliberate force and do not rush into situations easily. They usually stay on the edge of things and are always thinking about the next step. Before acting, be sure to take a moment to think through what is going to happen.
Calm people tend to keep their distance from groups. If everyone is heading to the window to see where the strange noise you just heard is coming from, a calm person will take a moment to think about whether it is really important before perhaps walking to the window with a nonchalantly elegant step. In general, these people need less stimulus than other people.

2. Keep body language that makes you appear approachable and friendly.

Quiet people are easier to approach than loud, aggressive people. They usually keep their body language modest and their facial expression neutral instead of getting caught up in the drama that is going on. Because of this characteristic, it is often thought that quiet people are nicer than loud and aggressive people, whether this is true or not.
To stay open and approachable, you need to keep your head up, look around and watch what’s going on around you. Keep a relaxed and comfortable posture as you would if you were sitting in an empty waiting room. Take a moment to see things you wouldn’t if you were busy talking to the person next to you.

3. Be calm and patient.

When you are with a calm person, that person will have a calming effect on the situation and can help others settle down and think more clearly. Why can’t you be that person? When everyone is panicking, you could be the voice of reason. When you speak up, it happens so rarely that others notice immediately.
This can actually give you a lot of power and turn you into a calm and effective leader. When you are the calm, quiet and collected person who speaks laconically and effectively, others will be attracted to these qualities and will follow you.

4. Gain the trust of others by becoming a reliable person.

Quiet people usually do well in situations that require others to trust them. Aggressive, loud people often come across as moody, self-centered and a bit unstable. Assume your new persona and let it work for you. You could quickly become the person everyone turns to.

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5. Think about your goal while you talk.

Calm people tend to stay back to the point where they disappear, only to return to the scene to retaliate. Everyone talks without concern until the calm person arrives to point to the building that caught fire. Before you join the discussion, make sure you bring something to it.
If you are involved in a conversation, tell yourself that three people (or more depending on the number of participants) must speak before you speak. This will help you decide what you really want to say and make sure it’s not just pointless interjections.

By choosing them well, your words will have more impact. Klare Heston, a social worker, said, “When participating in a conversation, choose your words carefully instead of filling the room with unnecessary words. You don’t have to be the center of attention to be confident, in fact, usually it’s the opposite.”

6. Let others dominate the conversation.

Try to subtly and politely distract the attention from yourself and keep the conversation focused on someone else. If you disagree with their point of view, make sure they clarify it. Consider the person you are talking to and how that affects what you are thinking. When you have gathered enough information, you will know exactly what to say and when to say it.

  • This will help you become a better listener. You will actively focus on the other person and know how to keep the conversation about them. You will also be surprised at how much you have learned.
  • Try not to be too quiet when you first meet someone. They may think you are weird and have nothing to say. Instead, try to find a balance of listening to this person and asking questions about them.
  • Don’t talk unnecessarily. Think before you speak. Take a break when you feel agitated or excited. Respect the other person and don’t interrupt.

7. Observe the body language of the person you are talking to.

Take the time to listen to what they mean behind their words instead of rushing to share your opinions and comments. How does this person really feel? How will they behave? What information do you notice that you didn’t see before?
It’s not advisable to do this because quiet people don’t or can’t, it’s just easier to use your brain to observe rather than observe and talk at the same time. Think back to the louder person you were, do you now see a difference in the world that you didn’t see before because you didn’t take the time?

8. Stop interrupting others.

When you interrupt someone, you show them that you don’t respect their thoughts and emotions. Let them finish before you start talking about what you think. If you are not sure whether to interrupt, just say, “I’m sorry, did I interrupt? Go ahead. This person will also feel much more appreciated.
Take a moment to think about how much time you have already had in the conversation and how much time the other person has had. If it has already been a while since you last spoke, go ahead. There is no enriching conversation when the other person is not talking. Find a balance in the conversation: if you’ve been talking for a while, let the other person speak. Make sure everyone can get to the end of their thoughts before moving on to something else.

9. Ask questions that focus on the other person.

People love to talk about themselves and if you give them time to do so, they will love you. You don’t necessarily have to stop talking to be quiet, it means using words more concisely, asking interesting questions and bringing up interesting topics. That’s why you shouldn’t force yourself not to talk, you should force yourself to ask the right questions.
Let’s say someone you know has been skydiving. Instead of saying, “Oh, I skydived once, it was awesome!” say, “Great, how was it? Was it your first time?” If this person is really engaged in the conversation, they will probably ask if you’ve skydived too.

10. Lower the volume of your voice.

Soften your voice and speak more quietly, but loud enough to be heard. Calm people tend to socialize more gently, even when they are speaking. There is little that annoys them and they learn to show their wonder or amazement through facial expressions and other vocal mechanisms (exclaiming, etc.).
However, there is a very fine line to walk. People who do not speak loudly can become very annoying. Others can get easily upset with you if they can’t hear you. When you lower the volume of your voice, make sure you use your inner voice, not your whispering voice.

11. Learn to command respect by using few words.

People who think about their words before they speak tend to say wiser things. The way they speak will earn them the respect of others and they will appear more competent. Speak up when you feel a certain topic needs to be addressed, but don’t feel the urgent need to fill a moment of silence.
When you save your words for things you need to say, they have more effect. Keep your words directed toward your goal to keep your demeanor calm and to make your words more important.

12. Rely on your face to express yourself.

When you’re dying to make a comment and you keep it inside, let it show on your face. Roll your eyes or chuckle, it can make a statement and help others notice little things about you. Have you ever caught one of your silent friends judging something by their facial expression? It’s often something very funny, they’ve developed a sense of humor that doesn’t come through the spoken word. Take a cue from these people and use your face to replace your words when necessary.
Of course, you should take this advice with a grain of salt. It’s easy to offend others even without saying anything. You could cause a moment of panic in a particularly sensitive friend by rolling your eyes without paying attention. Be aware of your audience and know when to use these facial expressions.

13. Take a moment to open your mind.

Don’t automatically assume that someone with a different point of view is wrong, stupid or out to get you. Find out why they think the way they do and what their reasoning is. This will help you see things from a different perspective and formulate a well thought out opinion. It will cause you to question and step back and think about the conversation you had.

  • This does not mean that quiet people understand things better. It means that when you listen, it is easier to understand the other person’s arguments and let them explain themselves fully. When the person you’re arguing with goes on a tirade about something you don’t agree with, don’t get your claws in. Listen to them and then you can show them what you think.
  • Don’t be quiet to upset others. It doesn’t help to be calm to avoid confrontation; it makes you look like a coward. Explain your point of view during a debate in a reasonable manner without raising your voice.
  • Don’t be rude or unnecessarily dry. Speak politely, only when someone addresses you, and respond intelligently. Your goal is to become calmer, not rude or snobby. You want to make your answers concise, not dry or curt.
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14. Do meditation to help calm your mind for at least a few minutes a day.

Meditation will help you have a clearer, more thoughtful and connected mind while helping to lower your cholesterol and blood pressure. Ten to fifteen minutes of meditation a day can help you feel more Zen for the next 24 hours.

  • If meditation isn’t your cup of tea, there are other activities that can replace this experience. Go for a walk in your favorite park or just sit on a bench and read. Open your journal and take time to write down your thoughts. Try to find an activity that you do for your well-being.
  • Do others gently tease you by telling you to go for a walk? Perhaps you should respond by doing so.
  • Live in the moment using several techniques such as mindfulness and Zen meditation. Contemplating the mysteries of science (the universe, quantum theory) might also be an intensely introspective experience.

15. Keep a journal.

One way to change your perspective (and to better observe the world as mentioned above) is to keep a journal. Commit to writing in it every day and asking yourself the following questions.

  • How did I feel? Why did I feel that way?
  • What did I learn today? Who taught me?
  • What ideas came to me? Who or what did I think about today?
  • How was today different from yesterday? Last week? Last year?
  • What are the things that make me grateful? Who in the world looks lonely? Why is that?

16. Become self-reliant.

While there is no shame in asking for help, your confidence will give you the strength to do it yourself, which in turn can make you more valuable to others. When you really need to ask for help, your introspective nature will allow you to focus and ask the right questions.

17. Find a hobby.

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When you can spend time alone doing quiet, thoughtful things, it will be easier for you to do the same thing in larger groups. You’ll even be surprised at how much you enjoy doing it! You’ll cultivate your patience and nurture your inner world while finding better topics of conversation when it comes to socializing. Try knitting, creating a zen garden, or other activities that don’t require much conversation. You could even start by reading a book.

  • In her book “What Do I Say Next?”, Susan RoAne wrote, “Still waters run deep…but they can also be shallow. If you are shallow, others will rejoice in your silence and that is not the goal you are seeking. You want to become a better person and become a person that others want to spend time with, even if you are talkative.
  • Also remember that quiet people do things that louder people do. You can try singing, dancing, playing an instrument, etc. Remember to return to your quiet state when you are finished.
  • However, when you spend your free time being quiet, it will be harder for you to return to a louder state in other situations, because your quietness often sets up your mood for your upcoming interactions.
  • Imagine spending all day reading your favorite book, fully immersing yourself in the world of the book before heading to a party. You’ll probably still be in the world of the book, and you’ll naturally feel more calm and introverted.

18. Spend time alone.

Author Susan Cain wrote that “quiet is a catalyst for innovation [3] .” Solitude with your own thoughts can be a rewarding and productive way to spend your day. And you’ll be able to do whatever you want to do. You will spend quality time doing what you want to do, but you will also learn to be alone with yourself and enjoy it.
This could be the perfect time to perfect your favorite hobby, walk your dog, write in your journal, or go shopping at the supermarket. It doesn’t matter what you do, just do it. You will learn that interactions with others do not influence the good or bad times you have. On the other hand, don’t become a hermit, use your time alone to feed your creativity.

19. Spend time with introverted friends.

By surrounding yourself with lively, gregarious and bubbly people, you will become lively, gregarious and bubbly yourself. To learn to enjoy your friends more quietly and sometimes even silently, spend time with introverted and naturally calmer people. You’ll find that it’s a completely new and different way to have fun.
Quiet people often tend to spend time with other quiet people, although this is not always the case. If you don’t know many calm people, ask your calmest friend to meet their friends. It’s often helpful to find support from a friend, especially if they are a calm friend or are trying to become one. Alternatively, you could engage in calmer activities, try joining a reading group or a cooking class to meet calmer people.

20. Consider seeing a therapist.

This will allow you to find more time to talk about yourself, but it will also allow you to talk about why you are becoming a calmer person and seeking attention from others. Therapists are not only for people with mental health problems, but also for people who want to understand themselves better.
If someone makes you realize that you are making too much noise, you can talk about that too. You are probably totally healthy as you are, unless you feel there is a problem yourself. It is very important to be comfortable with your natural personality.

21. Be yourself.

At the end of the day, some people are naturally more vocal than others. You don’t have to be quieter; you may be fine the way you are. However, if you feel a need to change, only make changes that you feel are necessary and normal. If you want to speak up, do so. If you want to dance in the dining hall, do it. Every human being is a dynamic individual with many sides. You may have a quieter side that comes up from time to time.
If you really feel the need to be calmer, choose times when it feels more important. Family dinner? French class? Don’t make it your goal to become a calmer person, make it your goal to become calmer in the right circumstances. There are bound to be situations where you will need to be louder.

22. If you are ready to take the plunge, take a vow of silence for a short time.

For example, you could be completely silent for an hour. Then try for three hours. If you can make it through a whole day, you may notice many things around you that you didn’t notice before when you were too busy talking.
One of the best times to observe this vow of silence is often after a procedure in the mouth or head that causes pain, such as an adjustment to your braces, a root canal, or even a minor bump to the head. Don’t hurt yourself, of course, but seek inspiration to become a calmer person.


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